Reader, I Married HIm
by Swizle
Summary: A little exploration into what I think happened after Jane's marriage to Mr Rochester, and their early days of honeymoon bliss. It begins in diary form, in the style of the book, but will change to third person for the lemons.
1. Chapter 1

Reader, I married him, and almost instantly. It took all my negotiating skills to cause him patience for the week it took Mrs Fairfax and my new cousins to travel down. A small family it may be, but it was mine and I wanted all to witness my long-awaited happiness.

Those seven days were torturous. Edward's impassioned glare seemed to have lost none of its ferocity despite his blindness. And now he had begun to wear me down with every one of his other, now heightened, senses. When he wasn't tasting my lips he was pressing his ear to my chest and humming along to my heartbeat while I laughed and tried to push him away – in vain, even with all his injuries he was much stronger than I. Or he would bury his head in the crook of my neck and breathe me in, while running his good fingers down the small of my back.

He always did this on an evening before we parted into separate chambers for sleep. We would stand in near darkness, but for a single white taper candle, which he would rest on a stand before reaching greedily for me. Away from peering eyes we would press against each other, my tiny fingers twisted into his long unkempt hair. I kissed him with all the passion my nubile lips could muster. His own skilful mouth would conjure soft moans from me, his fingers clenched on my lower back pressing me hard against him. When I ran out of air I would pull on his hair, forcing his face away from mine. But he never stopped, only moving his kisses to my neck, which he caressed with such love and intensity I would shudder in his arms and pant.

It was about this time that I felt his excitement; or, rather, that his hands would travel farther south onto my hips, which he would then thrust against his excitement. Without my years of puritanical self-denial it would have been impossible to step away. Indeed, Reader, it took all my willpower to push on his chest. I am too small to cause him to move myself but he always stopped when I wanted him to, and stepped away; albeit begrudgedly and with a throaty moan that made me want to jump right back into his embrace.

We would stand apart from each other, only my hands placed on his chest, trying to control our breathing and our bodies in the darkness.

'Please, Jane,' he would breathe, the throatiness still in his voice.

I would sigh and lift my hand up to cradle his face. 'We've come this far, Mr Rochester.' His old name would make him frown. 'I shall call you Edward when we are man and wife, which will be very, very soon. Please have patience, my love, and wait.'

'I have waited long enough already, you witch,' he would growl. But the next second he would lean down and brush my forehead ever so lightly with his lips. 'Goodnight, love. I pray that this night will pass quickly. I am impatient for that time when we may never separate.'

'As am I, Mr Rochester.' And with this we would separate, turning away to enter our opposing chambers. Silently I would watch him in the shadows. He felt for the frame of his door and then, every night, upon closing it changed his mind and left it open with a hopeful glance at my room. I smiled and closed my own door fully. Not long, not long.

So now this tortuous week has ended and I write the last in my journal. I have just changed out of my wedding gown and can hear Edward pacing outside my door to escort me to dinner. Mrs Fairfax has explained to me what is essentially required of my tonight and while it does not sound very appealing, my body is alight with excitement for what is to come. For Edward and I belong together, forever, and this next chapter of our lives is ready to be written.

Jane.

**Sorry for the long preposition but there are next to no lemony fan fics for Jane and Edward and I really want to try and do them justice. Reviews are love!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear Reader, **

**I am very sorry for my slackness in updating this story. I have been very busy with my first semester of Uni in a new state so haven't had the time to write, but enough with the excuses. This is another chapter before Jane and Rochester's lemon. It is no longer intended to be in Jane's diary, just from her point of view, so it is not as formal as the last chapter. Thank you very much to the lovely reviews I had for the last chapter, I hope you like where the story is going, and sorry again for the delay. **

I opened the door just a crack to watch him. His dark features were pulled into a frown as he paced, counting the steps along the landing. His fists clenched and unclenched with impatience. I pushed the door so that it swung out full with a creak, and his head snapped up with a smile.

'Ah, so you have decided to join me, finally. What the devil have you been doing in there to keep me waiting so long?'

'Mr Rochester-'

'Edward.'

'Husband.' His smile grew wider and he nodded with acquiescence. 'I am very sorry to keep you in anticipation but I had to change out of that wedding dress. You know more than anyone that I am not accustomed to such finery.'

He paced towards the sound of my voice, reached for me and curled his fingers around my small waist. 'Yes,' he murmured rubbing his thumb against the simple linen. 'This is more to your taste, this is more Jane.'

I reached for his hands as they began to trail up my back and placed them before us. 'Shall we dine, Edward?'

'Yes, quickly, if we must,' he said in the gruff voice which I knew meant he was choking back some deep emotion. 'But I am your husband and will lead you as such.' He reclaimed my hand and placed his other on the small of my back. His trailing fingers, and hot breath on my neck, made it more difficult than usual to manage the stairs. When we reached the dining room I was forced to disentangle myself from his arms when I heard Mrs Fairfax approaching from the kitchen.

'No, no! What are you doing? Where are you going?' He demanded, clutching at my dress.

'I am going to my seat, Edward, as you should. I can hardly eat dinner from your lap. Whatever would Mrs Fairfax think?'

'The devil cares, Jane. Come back.'

But I only laughed nervously and led him to his chair at the head of the table. He seemed to sense my edgy mood and pushed it no further, other than a tender kiss on my knuckles as he released my hands. I watched him closely as I settled opposite. I could not tell what had brought on this strange emotion. It was not that I was scared of Edward, I knew that he would never hurt me. I was his legal wife now, finally, after so much heartache. What was there to be anxious about? I found that I could hardly rouse an appetite, despite Mrs Fairfax's fussing. I was too busy studying Mr Rochester. His hand trembled slightly as he lifted his fork.

I realised that I was nervous of being alone with him as I had no idea what was really expected tonight, where to begin. Mr Rochester was a man of the world, and was certainly not devoid of life experience. How was I, small artless creature that I was, to satisfy him as a wife? I felt as though I had been running all my life towards a sea cliff and now, upon reaching the verge, was afraid to jump.

I looked up from my reverie to see the candle was nearly burned out. Mrs Fairfax was clearing the last of the plates and stoking the coals. She came towards me with a sheepish smile and kissed me lightly on the forehead.

'I shall leave you both now, Jane,' she whispered. 'I wish you every happiness.'

I felt a strange jump in the bottom of my stomach, and when I opened my eyes the room was empty, but for my husband and I.

'You are very quiet, Jane.'

'Yes, Edward. Mrs Fairfax is gone.'

'Then we are alone at last.'

'Yes,' I heard my voice tremble, and his jaw tensed.

'You are afraid?' His eyes were focused, in vain, on my face.

'I am nervous, yes.'

'Of me?'

'Of tonight.'

'Ah, Jane,' he sighed, his face suddenly wretched. 'I thought you were anticipating it as highly as I was.'

I jumped and ran to him. 'No, Edward, don't say that – I am!' I interlaced my fingers with his. 'I was.'

He tightened his grip. 'What has changed your mind?'

'You are older than me, Mr Rochester.'

'Edward, Jane. And yes, that is clearly true.'

'And you have travelled the world.'

'Yes.'

'And you have loved many women.'

'No, I love only you.' He felt me tense, and pulled me closer. 'I have slept with women, yes. Meaningless women. I regret it, and regret that it must haunt your opinion of me, but you knew my history long before you agreed to marry me. What is the point of this?'

'I am afraid that I will not please you.'

He froze and stared at me, his jaw slack. Slowly he reached up to lightly trace his fingers along my cheek. 'Are you in earnest?'

'Yes, of course I am. How could you ask that?'

He threw back his head and roared with laughter. Offended, I made to move away, but he quickly sobered and pulled me into his lap.

'Forgive me, Jane. I do not mean to laugh at you.' He relaced our fingers and pressed his lips to my palm. 'But what you are saying is utterly absurd.'

'How so, sir? This is all new to me, and you know all.'

'Firstly, you are never to call me sir again.' He kissed my palm again and ran his lips along the inside of my wrist so softly it almost tickled. I gasped. 'And secondly, this is most certainly new to me. My affairs – even my first marriage, damn it – were empty, were meaningless. I was a young man and knew no better than to fulfil my urges as instantly as they arose, and God knows there were enough dangerous women eager to take advantage of my naivety for their own gains. Those years, my whole existence, was darkness, and a loneliness I did not fully feel or understand until you entered. My little fairy light…' he laughed and kissed the crook of my elbow, eliciting another gasp. 'You, who are all innocence and purity, whose biggest danger is abandonment. You nearly killed me when you left.' His lower lip shook, and I was poised to lean and still it with my own when he began again. 'I know now that you were right to leave me. If I had forced you to stay I would have ruined you. I would have taken away all that is good in you, Jane, and killed that light. I would have hated myself forever, and so would you.'

'I could never hate you, Edward. I love you.'

He closed his eyes and exhaled softly with a peaceful smile.

'And that is why this is completely new to me, too, Jane. Don't you see? I have never been with a woman that loved me, and I have never been with a woman that I loved.'

I could stand it no longer. His words had slowly melted the nerves from my stomach and all that remained was a fury of anticipation. I twisted on his lap to reach his face. I cupped my hand over his check and pulled his head down until his lips were an inch from mine.

'I love you, Edward. And will forever.'

He fell forward the last inch and pressed his lips to mine. I twisted fully around so that I was sitting flush on his lap, facing him, and threw myself into the kiss, knowing that I would not have to stop him tonight, or any other night. The thought flushed me with heat and suddenly the kiss was no longer enough. His hand left his lap and was slowly making its way to mine, tracing up the line of my thigh. His touch somehow seemed to reach through the layers of cloth and spread goose pimples over my skin. He clenched down on my leg and I gasped. His hungry lips captured my open mouth, deepening the kiss. His warm tongue gently traced my teeth and teasingly entered my mouth. Unthinkingly I pressed my own forward, eager to continue this new feeling. He groaned with delight and pulled me even tighter against him. Our mouths quarrelled together in this new dance, coaxing moans and gasps from us both.

I had never experienced such intimacy and his wet mouth and strong arms holding me against his body were causing strange sensations to course through me. A fire, almost painful, was growing inside and seemed to gather at the centre of my body, where we met perched on the chair. Unconsciously I began to rock against him, eager to somehow subside the ache, but my lips were so busy that I did not even notice.

He did, however.

He grabbed at my hips to steady me and pulled his face away from mine with a groan. 'Jane, if you continue with that, I will not make it to the bedroom.'

I sat stunned in his lap, panting. 'I don't understand.'

He sighed and gestured to how we were seated. I suddenly realised that I was straddling his lap and that his breeches, where I had just been grinding, appeared to be very tight.

'Oh.'

'Yes.' He shifted uncomfortably beneath me.

'Am I too heavy?'

He laughed again. 'Tiny Jane? I don't think so.'

'But you want me to stand?' I began to move away.

'Jesus, no Jane, stop it! Stay here.' He grabbed my hips again and forced my down onto his lap. We gasped.

'I never want you to leave me, Jane.' He looked down at my fingers puzzlingly, still struggling to regain his breath. 'I wonder. Do you know what is to happen between us tonight?'

I flinched, recalling the snatches of information I had gleaned from Mrs Fairfax, the servants and the girls at school. 'I know the essentials.'

He raised an eyebrow to coax me on.

'I know that we will lie together, that we will undress, that you will come close to me and that although it will hurt I must not show it as it will displease you,' I recited in one breath.

He inhaled sharply and kissed my forehead. 'Well, Jane. No wonder you were so frightened earlier. It is true. You are a virgin, so it will sting a little at first. But I am not wholly a beast. I love you and want to please you. Do you not enjoy kissing me?'

'I think you know that I do, Edward.'

He chuckled and kissed my cheek, on the edge of my mouth. 'I want you to enjoy all of tonight. I want to make love to you, Jane.'

I gasped again and kissed his mouth with every ounce of love and passion I could muster to show him that I agreed and echoed his desires.

After a few moments he was shifting restlessly again and I pulled away reluctantly. 'Should we move upstairs?' I asked, nervous again.

'Yes, Jane,' he whispered, pulling me to my feet. 'Lead the way.'

**Well, there we are. Next chapter (hopefully up next week if study doesn't get in the way, and if reviewers want it) will be the lemon. So if you thought this was a bit too saucy and don't want your favourite characters to be soiled forever in your mind, you probably shouldn't read on next time! Reviews are love, and I really do appreciate every one (especially suggestions and constructive criticism). Lots of love, S.**


	3. Chapter 3

**Hi. I apologise every time I upload because I am always appallingly slow and today is no exception. So, I'm sorry. Again. **

**Anyway, I hope that anyone reading this story has enjoyed it. Thank you all very much for your kind reviews, especially those with constructive criticism, I love love love them! **

I held his hand and led the way slowly up the stairs. My breathing seemed to me unusually loud and for the first time I noticed the silence here, compared to Thornfield Hall where even in the dead of night the presence of servants, guests and ghosts were ever apparent. The yellow light of my candle spread over the landing and shyness again enveloped me. It seemed strange to finally be allowed in a man's room – even Edward's. I hovered on the landing while he opened the door. Tonight it was not dark, as was usual; he had ordered the fire lit for my benefit. Habit and stubbornness had led him to neglect his health and comfort, but I was determined that we would never be cold.

He walked purposefully towards the bed and sat on the edge. Not in a hurried way, but in the automatic movement with which he moved through his perpetual darkness. I sat beside him and lent my head on his shoulder. He breathed a chuckled and squeezed my fingers tighter.

'I am…nervous, Jane.'

'That does seem to be the theme for us tonight.' I gently brushed his smiling lips with my own. When he began to turn his head and deepen the kiss I pulled away and stood. He reached for me in the dark but I stepped back with a hush.

'One moment, Edward.'

He sat perfectly still on the end of the bed, his feet flat on the floor. He closed his eyes, but from the tiny shifting of his head I could tell he was following my movements through the sound of my bare feet on the wooden floor. I walked around the room lighting the largely unused candles. As I watched the flame catch on the white taper on his dresser a thought occurred and I turned to him.

'Can you see the light at all?' I asked.

His eyes opened. 'Shadows. Each candle throws a shadow, or a cloud of light. I can faintly see shapes and silhouettes against them.'

I stepped directly in front of him. 'Can you see my silhouette?'

And his eyes looked right at me.

'Yes, little sprite. However, I have seen only you for more than a year now. How can I tell if this vision is real, when all the others were not?'

I laughed and stepped towards his outstretched arms. With his lofty frame seated on the bed, my standing height was still barely taller. I placed my hands on either side of his face and kissed him, my lips tracing along his cheek and jawbone causing him to shudder slightly. When I began to find it hard to breathe I pulled away and knelt before him. He lent back on his hands while I placed his boot in my lap and began to pull at the laces. I tugged each boot off then stood up to kiss him again. Let my hands slide over his shoulders and to the buttons of his shirt. I pushed his from him and he shrugged out his arms. His lips paused and pulled his face away from mine. His expression was embarrassing, even shamed.

'Edward? What is wrong?'

He swallowed, looking down at the floor. 'Am I very ugly, Jane?'

I suddenly saw what was concerning him. His strong chest, covered with a thick spread of black hair, was marred on the right side with the same scars that spoiled his face. The skin was subtly shiny and red under the candlelight. I stood a moment taking in his injuries, and slowly realising the full extent of his bravery and beauty. After a moment, when I had not yet responded, he groaned and lifted his hands to cover his face.

'I disgust you.'

In answer I gently pulled away his hands and kissed the palms. My lips moved to the scars on his face and then trailed down over his collarbone to his upper body. I gently kissed and caressed his skin until his chest began to rise and fall with quick pants. I knelt again and pressed my forehead against his breast. 'Edward, I love you.'

He kissed the top of my head gently and whispered. 'I love you, Jane.' He exhaled loudly. 'I want you so badly.'

I took his hands and placed them on the laces at the back of my dress. 'You have me.'

He eagerly pulled at the laces, peeled it off my shoulders, and let the garment fall to the floor. I shivered, not from cold, but through the fear and excitement of being naked and so close to Edward. He placed his hands on my bare waist and sighed as though he had suddenly been relieved of a great pain. By the tine they reached my chest I was struggling to breathe. He pressed his head to my chest to hear my heart beat. He inched his finger in shrinking circles around my right breast and made a strange throaty noise; half between a sigh and a laugh.

'Listen to your heart fly.' He finally landed on my hard nipple and I had to stifle a gasp. 'Do not dare quieten yourself. I cannot see your reactions Jane, I need to hear them.' He pressed his head closer. 'I need to feel them.' His fingers gently pinched on the bud and I was unable to stop myself from crying out. He groaned and turned his head to take my nipple in his mouth. I cried out again and threaded my fingers into his hair to press him closer to me. My breath was coming quicker and quicker.

He let himself fall back onto the bed and I tumbled onto him. Our naked chests were pressed together and I moaned into his mouth as we kissed deeply. The feeling of his broad chest and strong arms enveloping me spread a sense of safety and belonging and pure happiness that I never knew possible. I let my bare leg slip between is trousers limbs, while his hands trailed down to cusp my buttocks. He clutched, pressing me tightly against his lap and causing us both to groan. My body seemed to be in control over my mind – my hands were exploring his body seemingly without command and it was only through his moans that I realised I was rocking against him once more. This strange and pleasant ache building inside me was taking over and my body was trying to find a way – and way – of subsiding it.

I trailed my fingers down over his chest and stomach slowly causing a wave of shudders to roll through him. I found the opening to his trousers and began to ineptly open them, before he gently pushed my fingers aside and shrugged them off. We were both now naked together. I sat kneeling on the bed before him, panting, and trying to think of something to say. But I could only stutter. Obviously I had never seen a man's private area before and had no idea what to expect. Edward was a large man, I now knew in every way, and the knowledge of what was expected to follow seemed truly impossible. I reached down to wrap my fingers around the shaft. He fell back on the pillows with a guttural moan.

'God, Jane.'

This seemed to please him so I stifled chagrin against his blasphemy and instead wrapped my other hand above and began to slowly massage up and down. He whispered my name over and over, his fists clenching the bed sheets beside him. Suddenly he jumped up, grasped my shoulder and turned me onto the bed, and hovered above me.

'Forgive me,' he muttered into my earlobe. 'But I do not want to finish this without you.'

He began to kiss my neck and jaw, slowly tracing down to my chest. A few seconds on my sensitive breasts was enough to start my panting again but he was not satisfied. His kisses trailed lower, over my stomach, hipbone and onto my inner thigh. His fingers spread my legs slightly and he inhaled deeply. I felt I was about to faint. I cried out as I felt his tongue snake up through my folds.

'Jane,' he whispered. 'You have no idea how long I have wanted to do this.'

With that he greedily kissed my most private place, drawing gasps and moans from my lips with ease. A pressure was building within me, almost to the point of pain. I was writhing my body against his when he pulled away and I almost cried with disappointment. He pulled himself up so that out chests were level again and he kissed me full on the mouth.

'Are you ready, love? I do not think I can wait much longer…'

'Yes, Edward, please.'

He balanced on his forearms above me. With one hand he cradled my face and kept his lips on mine; with the other he gently guided himself into me. I could not help but gasp at the pain. He immediately stilled and searched my face for tears with his fingers.

'Are you well Jane? Have I hurt you?'

As well as concern other emotions burned in his face – fear, desire and love amongst them. I cautiously moved my hips against his and discovered that the sensation was not unpleasant. In fact, the opposite was true; waves of burning pleasure rippled through me with every movement. I moaned as I kissed his neck and this seemed to encourage him again. He began to thrust slowly then as I threw my hips up to meet his, faster and faster. My body was no longer my own. I threw myself into him with the complete abandonment and trust that only true lovers can know. I called his name over and over again, the ache building in me again.

'Edward, Edward, I'm…I'm…'

Understanding and joy washed over his face in a grin and he clutched at me.

'Yes, Jane! Let yourself go, I am ready.'

'Yes, yes!'

What was happening? This was not some troublesome marital obligation as I had been led to expect. This was beauty and truth; this was Edward. As the world began to collapse into nothingness I held his face in my sight.

'I love you.' I threw my arms around his neck and desperately writhed against him, crying out with frustration.

Suddenly everything exploded into white. My back arched forcing him even deeper while my legs shook uncontrollably. I sensed that I was screaming his name but I could not silence myself, even if I had wanted to. He chanted my name, thrusting wildly until he too fell apart. He continued to shudder with me for several moments before rolling back and drawing me onto him.

I lay on his chest, suddenly exhausted yet somehow exhilarated at the same time. He kissed me tenderly on the mouth and combed my hair back from my face with his fingers. His face was alight; the same way it had been the day I agreed to marry him, and the day I had returned. But now there was no trace of sadness in his eyes, only pure happiness. We lay together catching our breath and revelling in what had just occurred. Secure, alone and together at last, we kissed again and fell asleep in each other's arms.

**This is probably the last chapter, unless any reviews really want me to expand it, but I think I'd like to move onto Wuthering Heights or Pride and Prejudice. **

**I love reviews, especially constructive criticism. Also, any other writers who are uploading stories from the classics I'd love to hear from you – we need to keep the old books alive! **


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